The look: speak with your eyes

The look: speak with your eyes

Dr. Orion Taban, in this "Psych Hacks: Better Living Through Psychology" episode, advises men on how to effectively communicate sexual intent, particularly in initial interactions, to prevent misunderstandings and foster authentic connections.

• Why Communicate Sexual Intent? 🤔

  • It's a man's primary responsibility in initial encounters and on first dates.
  • Crucially prevents misunderstandings, ensuring women don't perceive you as merely a friend, study buddy, or confidant.
  • Clearly establishes that your attraction is physical and your interest is in initiating a sexual relationship, avoiding time-wasting and disappointment.
  • Hiding intent is the leading cause of awkward situations and unfulfilled expectations for men.

• Common Pitfalls & Why Men Hide Intent 🚧

  • Ambivalence Towards Own Sexuality: Many men harbor a subconscious belief that their sexual interest is "bad," "wrong," or "shameful," stemming from family or cultural conditioning. They then project these judgments, fearing women will perceive their advances negatively, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Resolving this internal conflict is key.
  • Fear of Being "Creepy": Creepiness is subjective and "in the eye of the beholder." A woman's existing attraction level dictates how she perceives your behavior; high attraction makes actions seem charming, while low attraction can make them seem "creepy." While avoiding overtly aggressive ogling is sensible, this fear often prevents genuine expression.
  • "Nice Guy" Trap: Some men resort to indirect or "sneaky" approaches to get closer to women, often by pretending to be just friendly. This wastes time and creates mismatched expectations, almost always leading to disappointment for the man.

• How-To: The Look Technique 👁️‍🗨️ "The look" is a powerful, nonverbal, direct, and respectful way to communicate sexual intent without being overtly explicit.

  1. Cultivate Inner Openness (The Gaze):
     • Make unbroken eye contact, ideally during a pause in conversation.
     • Hold her gaze slightly longer than what feels comfortable.
     • Internally, imagine a door opening in your chest; relax the muscles around your eyes and allow a little slackness in your jaw.
     • The intention is to "let her in through your eyes" and "see her seeing you more deeply."
  2. Fill Your Mind with Sexual Content:
     • While maintaining the gaze, internally imagine what she might look like naked or what it would feel like to be intimate.
     • Crucially, do not speak these thoughts. Your internal focus will subtly, often subconsciously, alter your gaze and expression.
  3. Acknowledge Mutual Recognition:
     • Maintain the look until you perceive a reciprocal awareness: "You look at her until you see that she sees and you see her seeing that you see that she sees."
     • Her typical reaction might be looking away, blushing, or a nervous laugh – these are positive signs, indicating she received the message.
  4. Execution & Practice:
     • Done correctly, "once is enough" to establish intent.
     • If you then ask for her number or social media, she will understand it's not just a friendly request.
     • Practice with mirror work at home, but real-world application is essential. Don't fear stumbling; it's part of the learning process.

Final Takeaway: Developing the skill to respectfully and effectively communicate sexual intent empowers men to prevent misunderstandings, avoid wasted time, and pursue authentic connections. It begins with resolving internal ambivalence about one's own sexuality and confidently, yet subtly, expressing attraction through techniques like "the look."